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Aug. 5th, 2003 05:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rushthatspeaksAfter three tries, I *finally* managed to grab lunch with the nice chick from down the hall in my office building, and she turned out to be a lesbian from Wellesley and it was just fun. It was also a fascinating experience from a sociological point of view because, I swear, until we had gotten to the wrap place-- which is about a fifteen-minute walk from our job-- we had only managed to talk about the weather. Literally. I was becoming desperate trying to think of something else to say about the weather. And then, completely randomly, while we were in line at the restaurant, I asked if she lived alone or with a roommate, and she got this look on her face which I am generally more familiar with from the inside, that considering quick am-I-about-to-be-slapped-or-not-I-can't-tell-at-least-this-place-is-in-public twitch and said 'Actually, I live with my girlfriend'. So I said, 'My girlfriend lives in New York City', and boom, invisible walls down, conversation suddenly possible, pleasant discussion of my upcoming wedding and her upcoming wedding and her girl's law school apps taking place for the rest of the lunch. I had fun and was glad I'd managed to establish communications, but it was just odd to see how quick and complete a change of mood there was at the discovery of shared sexual orientation. I am now wondering if I ever do this to people; I'm familiar with that sudden 'oh gods how much should I mention about my life' moment, the moment when there is the conscious choice to use pronouns, to not let it fade into prevaricatory language but not overemphasize it either. And that can be so complicated-- I mean, whenever people say things like 'and when you have a boyfriend' it's a no-brainer to correct them, but when, in casual conversation, I say 'and then my girlfriend...', do they know I mean lover? Should I make sure they know? If I were to use lover it wouldn't specify the gender. I use fiancee a lot but it's not like the extra 'e' is terribly audible. But it's not like I want to make a deal of it in a conversation where I just want to say '...and then she said last week, when we were talking about blah, this, which is applicable...'. So I know that moment, and that particular facial twitch, because I do my best not to prevaricate, and so there's that continual aspect of risk. What I'm now wondering is if I ever become completely non-communicative to people who don't know my sexual orientation, how much of a barrier I'm holding up until I'm sure the person I'm talking to is going to be okay with it and this isn't going to be the time I get sworn at again or kicked or ferociously prayed at. I'm wondering how guarded I am, because I don't feel a barrier, but then, I don't consciously notice the fact that I automatically catalogue every exit to every room I ever enter the instant I arrive in it and never sit with my back to any of them. It took me years to figure out that I start twitching whenever I am forced by circumstance to leave my back to the doorway. Maybe this is like that. It was fascinating to be around, at any rate.
Because I'm bored, a fun little survey, ganked from some random website where I was impressed by its intelligence:
Three Questions:
1.) If you could have any appearance, what would you pick to express your personality best?
Body-wise and facially, I'm pretty much fine. The skin tone's good, the face shape's reasonable, and I like the fact that this nose has been in my family for at least three generations. But my hair should be blue. Deep blue, midnight blue, with the highlights in lighter blue. Brows and lashes and all that too. It should also be much, much longer. Murasaki Shikibu's hair, according to the Pillow Book, was twice as long as herself. I don't have any desire to deal with that much; I'll settle for a foot or so longer than I am. Enough so I can tie it off at the ankles in a nice big knot and keep it off the floor. As to the additions, the wings are purple, sort of, and the wingspan is I think about seventeen feet; they have eyes in the feathers like peacock feathers, and they do that sort of shimmery thing, which is why they're only sort of purple. The eyes can see. Occasionally I think about retractile claws, but that's an intermittent sort of want; the fangs are definitely retractile, though, and venomous. There will be a lot more tattoos, someday, but if I could really have any appearance I wanted, I'd want them to be able to move over my body at my will, so that the dragon I will eventually have on my shoulder could crawl all over my arm. Hiss at people.
And yeah, most of that is a pipe dream, and not physically possible, but I am growing my hair out and it will be blue some day and I will get the tattoos, and I'm putting the design for my own wings as the wings of the tattooed dragon. So I'm getting as close as I can.
2.) What is your idea of an absolutely perfect day?
Gee, I don't know what the Platonic ideal of 'day' would be like... anyway, being snarky aside. The best day I can think of for me... definitely geographically impossible, but at the moment it would go something like this: be awakened by girlfriend with the first caffeine of the day. Pet the kitties and play with them as I drink it. Proceed to petting the girlfriend. Shower, some time later. Put in a really good and productive and entertaining hour on the novel. Go out with a huge bunch of Bryn Mawr people on a Harvard Square run-- lunch at the Chinese place, Tokyo Kid with enough money to actually buy whatever it is I see and instantly crave, spring for new manga at Million Year Picnic. Drop my stuff off at home and go to some sort of intellectually interesting class, preferably with Professor Edmonds, preferably in the Cloisters. Go from that to meet my love for a piece of that insanely amazing chocolate cake from Dagwoods. Come home and have pasta while watching random anime; rehearse a little music after dinner and then watch some of Yami no Matsuei. Lock self in with girlfriend for inevitable consequences of watching Yami no Matsuei. Sleep in.
3.) If you could live in any city in the world for one year, and then had to leave it forever, which one would you pick?
Venice, Italy. No question. A year would be enough time to see and do all the cool stuff one could think of, but Venice is so impractical and uncomfortable to live in and so dreamlike as it is that having really detailed memories of it would really be just as good.
Because I'm bored, a fun little survey, ganked from some random website where I was impressed by its intelligence:
Three Questions:
1.) If you could have any appearance, what would you pick to express your personality best?
Body-wise and facially, I'm pretty much fine. The skin tone's good, the face shape's reasonable, and I like the fact that this nose has been in my family for at least three generations. But my hair should be blue. Deep blue, midnight blue, with the highlights in lighter blue. Brows and lashes and all that too. It should also be much, much longer. Murasaki Shikibu's hair, according to the Pillow Book, was twice as long as herself. I don't have any desire to deal with that much; I'll settle for a foot or so longer than I am. Enough so I can tie it off at the ankles in a nice big knot and keep it off the floor. As to the additions, the wings are purple, sort of, and the wingspan is I think about seventeen feet; they have eyes in the feathers like peacock feathers, and they do that sort of shimmery thing, which is why they're only sort of purple. The eyes can see. Occasionally I think about retractile claws, but that's an intermittent sort of want; the fangs are definitely retractile, though, and venomous. There will be a lot more tattoos, someday, but if I could really have any appearance I wanted, I'd want them to be able to move over my body at my will, so that the dragon I will eventually have on my shoulder could crawl all over my arm. Hiss at people.
And yeah, most of that is a pipe dream, and not physically possible, but I am growing my hair out and it will be blue some day and I will get the tattoos, and I'm putting the design for my own wings as the wings of the tattooed dragon. So I'm getting as close as I can.
2.) What is your idea of an absolutely perfect day?
Gee, I don't know what the Platonic ideal of 'day' would be like... anyway, being snarky aside. The best day I can think of for me... definitely geographically impossible, but at the moment it would go something like this: be awakened by girlfriend with the first caffeine of the day. Pet the kitties and play with them as I drink it. Proceed to petting the girlfriend. Shower, some time later. Put in a really good and productive and entertaining hour on the novel. Go out with a huge bunch of Bryn Mawr people on a Harvard Square run-- lunch at the Chinese place, Tokyo Kid with enough money to actually buy whatever it is I see and instantly crave, spring for new manga at Million Year Picnic. Drop my stuff off at home and go to some sort of intellectually interesting class, preferably with Professor Edmonds, preferably in the Cloisters. Go from that to meet my love for a piece of that insanely amazing chocolate cake from Dagwoods. Come home and have pasta while watching random anime; rehearse a little music after dinner and then watch some of Yami no Matsuei. Lock self in with girlfriend for inevitable consequences of watching Yami no Matsuei. Sleep in.
3.) If you could live in any city in the world for one year, and then had to leave it forever, which one would you pick?
Venice, Italy. No question. A year would be enough time to see and do all the cool stuff one could think of, but Venice is so impractical and uncomfortable to live in and so dreamlike as it is that having really detailed memories of it would really be just as good.
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no subject
Date: 2003-08-06 07:01 pm (UTC)Set in Venice, several of my coworkers had assumed it was historical fiction/fantasy just because of the setting but it's not "historical", as evidenced by the use of flashlights...
-Amanda