an attempt to update about my actual life

[rushthatspeaks]

It is too damn hot.

I seem to have gotten really, really oversensitive to temperature in recent years. Ask anybody who's around me during winters how much I completely fail to cope with the fact of cold, and now I seem to be completely failing to cope with the fact of heat. My depression worsens in summers-- I've been noticing that for the last couple of years-- but there's a difference between 'depressed' and 'walking dead from heat exhaustion'. Bleah. Air conditioning is my friend. Funny how I never seem to live anywhere with it.

The other problem with summer is that I only really wake up after dark. I spend all day sitting around feeling blah, and then as soon as night hits, even if the temperature doesn't cool down, I get the same kind of vague itchy needing-to-do-something-energetic twitch that I used to get in high school on nights when I'd just take the car out and drive around for the sake of driving around because I couldn't think of anywhere I wanted to go or anything I wanted to do but just driving was very nearly good enough, especially if the radio was being cooperative. The urge to go out drinking or dancing or generally carousing or to get into a really serious fight or go to a punk concert. The kind of mood where by the end of the night there had better be a new scar or a new haircut or a new set of impressive memories, and the desire to do something or other phenomenally stupid is nearly uncontrollable. In fact, I've done ninety percent of the truly idiotic things I've ever done after dark when I'm twitching with being awake and having nothing to amuse myself with.

It's not really a self-destructive force, that I'm talking about here. It can go just as easily toward art or schoolwork or something else productive. But when I get into this kind of mood I can't do anything halfway, and this is how I talked myself into most of the serious encounters I've ever had with mind-altering chemicals and into at least three beds I should not have been anywhere near if I knew what was good for me, which I did.

So every so often I get bored and overheated and lonely and tired and cranky and I miss my high school hell-raising days, even though I hated them even at the time. I miss the fear. I miss having to watch myself because it took my wits and concentration to stay alive and out of trouble, or not in too much trouble. Writing is another dare at that sort of game-- how much is too much to say to people? How much should I make available?

Hell with it. I'm still bored.

I need to go clubbing or something.

Well, next Thursday evening I'll be in NYC. Maybe it won't be too hot out to wear any of my leather.

Comments

[weirdquark]

*song*
It's too damn hot.
It's too damn hot.
I'd like to sup with my baby tonight.
And blow my top with my baby tonight.

I'd like to sup with my baby tonight.
And blow my top with my baby tonight.
But I ain't up to my baby tonight
'cause it's too damn hot.
*/song*

[weirdquark]

We COULD go clubbing. Except not on a work night. Bleh on being a grown-up.

Do you like Jazz? There's a place with Jazz called the Lizard Lounge or something. Anyway, it has a lizard on it.

[eredien]

I want to go clubbing. People here have tried to find a good under-21 place to go clubbing, but one of them wasn't open and one was in a state of ambiguous existence due to weird zoning problems, so we didn't go.

I would go driving around. But that takes gas money.
I would write all evening, but I have to get up for work tomorrow.
I mostly want to go flying and feel the wind on my face rushing.

All I did today was dye a strip of hair to test it for the cosplay. Apparently that's my attempt at doing something interesting with my entergetic twitchiness.
That's pathetic.

[batshua]

All I can say is I wish I *had* energetic twitchiness. I sit around all day AND all night feeling blah... and I've got all the air conditioning a gal could ever need. But I feel blah as hell. The only time I've felt twitchy lately was in class, and I think that has to do with feeling trapped.

[rabidfangurl.livejournal.com]

Goddess, I need to be around you in the summer. I do that. I also do that a times in winter, but summer is my season and I revel in it, dammit.

Kim, the awake and wishing for something to do, but not getting anywhere on her writing because she wants to be new and and different and that's *hard*.

[(Anonymous)]

Actually, I was just saying to Claire that I kind of wanted to go clubbing at some point, though it would pretty much have to be at a straight-edge club given that I'm not into dealing with second-hand smoke or drunk people. I still might run away quickly, but would at least be interested in perhaps poking my head into a straight-edge club. now, granted, I also usually dislike excessively loud music and dark rooms crowded with strangers, so this all might be a silly idea, but who knows ... this is beginning to sound like what i actually want is the root beer kegger (yay for sober, familiar nerds dancing the time warp -- and an excuse to dance around in black vinyl ... the kegger is nifty and you ought to come to it next year) ... ok, im at least theoretically interested in clubbing once ... and regardless we ought to go to rocky horror for which i'm still suggesting the 19th or sometime thereabouts (in part b/c there's a chance gabriel might be visiting that weekend and he would want to come with us) ... yes, i realize there's irony in the fact that rocky sounds so much less scary ... shrug
*hugs* I do hope things improve for you
~Chelsea