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rushthatspeaksReview of the book I read Friday, July 15th.
So this parody of John Norman's indescribably horrible Gor books is available online in its entirety, but the author also did a small run of it as a printed book. The cover image can best be described as a terrible Photoshop mashup of Tom of Finland and one of the actual Gor covers. For all I know, that might be precisely what it is. The tagline is "They came to Gor... but not for the women!"
A small percentage of you have now already realized that this is the greatest book that our civilization has as yet produced and have gone out to read it.
The rest of you may still require a little convincing. If you are unfamiliar with John Norman's Gor novels, well. I am told that the first couple, while he still had editors, are readable if you like that sort of thing, in which that sort of thing is books in which mighty-thewed Earthmen go to foreign planets where all of the women are not so secretly masochists. Then he lost the editors and apparently has waxed longer and longer in his attempts to communicate his philosophy, which boils down to men = masters, women = slaves, this = natural order of the universe, Earth = degenerate.
So as you can see it was crying out for a parody.
I attended the reading of portions of this one at Readercon (which is where I got a copy). I think I hurt my ribs laughing. The author assured the audience that he suffered brain damage in the process of composition because he had to mainline the entire Gor series to do it: on behalf of a grateful public, man, thank you.
Allow me to excerpt:
Allow me to excerpt again. Note that the protagonist is in the process of frantically fleeing.
I am assured that the long and pointless description of the naming procedures of small Gorean streets by the slave Tiffany actually takes place in a John Norman novel... and that there is also frantic fleeing going on at the time in that.
Of course, as with all humor, you either think this is funny or you don't. If you don't, I can't help you. If you do, hey, there's also a plot, vague gestures in the direction of character development whenever it would be funny, copyediting jokes, and song parodies. (Despite the fact that the official internet host of this work is at adultfanfiction.net, there is no explicit sex or violence.)
And it doesn't overstay its welcome or repeat jokes to the point of non-hilarity, both things it is extremely easy for parodies to do. It is short, consistently original, and will cause you to use the word 'modalities' way, way, way more often; what more can one ask of a book?
So this parody of John Norman's indescribably horrible Gor books is available online in its entirety, but the author also did a small run of it as a printed book. The cover image can best be described as a terrible Photoshop mashup of Tom of Finland and one of the actual Gor covers. For all I know, that might be precisely what it is. The tagline is "They came to Gor... but not for the women!"
A small percentage of you have now already realized that this is the greatest book that our civilization has as yet produced and have gone out to read it.
The rest of you may still require a little convincing. If you are unfamiliar with John Norman's Gor novels, well. I am told that the first couple, while he still had editors, are readable if you like that sort of thing, in which that sort of thing is books in which mighty-thewed Earthmen go to foreign planets where all of the women are not so secretly masochists. Then he lost the editors and apparently has waxed longer and longer in his attempts to communicate his philosophy, which boils down to men = masters, women = slaves, this = natural order of the universe, Earth = degenerate.
So as you can see it was crying out for a parody.
I attended the reading of portions of this one at Readercon (which is where I got a copy). I think I hurt my ribs laughing. The author assured the audience that he suffered brain damage in the process of composition because he had to mainline the entire Gor series to do it: on behalf of a grateful public, man, thank you.
Allow me to excerpt:
Why was I so afraid? It could not be a fear of death that possessed me, for as a Gorean warrior I gladly faced death, dying being a proper modality for a warrior, this being bred successfully into our genes over millions of years of evolution in which the strongest men died young and in violent ways and so were evolutionarily more successful than weak men, who might flee with the women and survive with them for a long time, fathering many children as a result. No, it could not be a fear of death that had made me flee.
Allow me to excerpt again. Note that the protagonist is in the process of frantically fleeing.
I peered down a side street. As is the right modality of things, many of these streets in Gorean cities do not have proper names, but may be known to those who live in the neighborhood by informal names, such as "the street where the gardener Borin watered his houseplants," "the street where the slave Tiffany wrote a long and pointless description of the naming procedures of small Gorean streets," "the street where you can find the house of the court-martialled private Hoosdrun," and so on. To the chagrin of the reader of any account where small Gorean streets are mentioned, streets are often called different names by different people, so a street may have the name, for example, of "the street where the slave Tiffany wrote a long and pointless description of the naming procedures of small Gorean streets," at one end and a second name at the other end, such as "the street where master Clitoris Vitalis had a bad case of gas," at the other.
I am assured that the long and pointless description of the naming procedures of small Gorean streets by the slave Tiffany actually takes place in a John Norman novel... and that there is also frantic fleeing going on at the time in that.
Of course, as with all humor, you either think this is funny or you don't. If you don't, I can't help you. If you do, hey, there's also a plot, vague gestures in the direction of character development whenever it would be funny, copyediting jokes, and song parodies. (Despite the fact that the official internet host of this work is at adultfanfiction.net, there is no explicit sex or violence.)
And it doesn't overstay its welcome or repeat jokes to the point of non-hilarity, both things it is extremely easy for parodies to do. It is short, consistently original, and will cause you to use the word 'modalities' way, way, way more often; what more can one ask of a book?
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no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:00 am (UTC)So basically the protagonist of this parody is being a typical Gorean master oppressing women and all, but he feels really unfulfilled and bored and strange, and then there is this biker gang. They aren't really very Nazi, they just wear German hats. And they trample the silly, sexist, stereotypical worldbuilding underfoot and jump around on it and then everyone drives off on the back of a Harley, you know, like you do.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 06:14 am (UTC)Link here. This is the story that "the street where the gardener Borin watered his houseplants" refers to, and it is fantastic.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 10:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-03-30 07:54 pm (UTC)Using an online noun generator leads to countless hours of fun. I hope Norman will write these some day:
Gymnast of Gor
Mitten of Gor
Goat of Gor
Giraffe of Gor
Macrame of Gor
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 04:03 pm (UTC)"I was an English major and a poetess, and the second most beautiful girl in the class."
Quoted everywhere at Bryn Mawr when I was there, as a preliminary to falling over with laughter. (Also if memory serves, the first most beautiful girl in the class shows up eventually and is an archeology major, fueling the theory that Norman had a special hatred of Bryn Mawr. As well he might, considering.)
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 10:10 pm (UTC)From Google Books (this is actually some pages in -- the opening sentence is the much less interesting "I lay in the warm grass"):
Slave Girl of Gor
books.google.comJohn Norman - 2007 - 564 pages - Google eBook - Preview
I was an English major and poetess.
I knelt before barbarians, nude and chained.
I was terribly frightened.
I knelt exactly as they had placed me, scarcely daring to breathe. I feared to move in the slightest. ...
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 12:54 am (UTC)"I was Judy Thornton. I was an excellent student at an elite girls' college on Earth. I was the most beautiful girl in the junior class, perhaps in the whole school, unless for my rival, the lovely senior in anthropology, Elicia Nevins. I was an English major, and a poetess!"
And yes, Elicia Nevins does turn up later.
" 'Elicia Nevins!' I cried, weeping with joy. I threw myself into her arms ..."
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 04:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:10 am (UTC)I once (by misdirection) peered into a program room in which a prig in a three-piece suit, his pocket watch laid out before him, was droning on remorselessly about Modalities, laying down the Law of the Universe to a stunned adolescent male.
That was John Norman.
Nine
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:33 am (UTC)Edit: Beaten like a houseplant's self esteem.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 10:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 03:52 pm (UTC)That? Was one of the funniest things I've read in quite some time.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 02:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 05:08 pm (UTC)I've never read any Gor, but I've heard enough about the series to know that avoiding it is a life choice I should continue to make.
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Date: 2011-07-21 06:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 04:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-21 07:23 pm (UTC)In college we often had informal read-Gor-books-aloud competitions. I never saw anyone get through an entire page with a straight face.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 12:10 am (UTC)Erg. Yeah, that's why I've never written the one piece of HP FanSmut I thought up: I'd have to reread Chamber of Secrets...
and will cause you to use the word 'modalities' way, way, way more often
Sad but true.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-22 02:04 am (UTC)My houseplants on my back!
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Date: 2011-07-22 02:15 am (UTC)So this is why Rik has used the word modality like thirty times today. Not sure how I feel about that.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-25 03:51 am (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2013-11-04 08:53 am (UTC)(Came here from a Google search for Houseplants of Gor. Don't mind me, for I have been well-watered.)