"IT ME"

Feb. 20th, 2017 12:47 am
rosefox: "You mean the girls were topless the whole time and I never noticed?" (oblivious)
[personal profile] rosefox
Thanks to a link from [twitter.com profile] tgstonebutch, today I learned about queerplatonic relationships (a term coined in 2010 by [personal profile] kaz and [personal profile] meloukhia) and spent several hours going "WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THERE'S A NAME FOR WHAT I DO". A good primer is here and a post on QP not being "romance-lite" is here. I want to quote both of them at length. I want to hug them. This is amazing.

I'm not aro or ace. But there is absolutely a third category of relationship in my life, in addition to partnership and friendship. I've been calling it "partner-level friends" or "my [name]" because I didn't have a word for it. And now I do. Wow. I haven't felt this seen since I read the relationship anarchy manifesto. (Which is very relevant.)

While discussing this with a friend, he asked how "romantic" was being defined, since both "aromantic" and "platonic" were being defined in opposition to it, and I realized I didn't have a good answer. (Merriam-Webster doesn't either. Their definition of "romantic" points to "romance", which points to "love affair", which points back to "romantic".) After some discussion on Twitter, [twitter.com profile] numbathyal pointed me to this piece by a possible aromantic who asked a romantic to define romance. The definition that came out of their conversation was: "Romance is a natural high that occurs in the presence of certain people, without obvious connection to sexuality, 'good company', or emotional intimacy." That jibes pretty well with my experience, which I described as follows:
When I look at people I'm in love with, my body responds. My heart swells—that's literally a feeling I get in my chest, not a metaphor. My heart rate goes up and I feel a little breathless. My pupils probably dilate. I want to be physically touching the person in some way. I'm SUPER touchy-feely with X and J. Constant small touches as I walk past them. Always sitting as near as I can get.

When I look at people I'm in QP relationships with, I have a different set of reactions. Hardly any physical reaction at all. I do like hugging them, but I don't feel the same urge to be in contact. I get much more of a squee reaction. My brain lights up. It's still something I would call chemistry, but a different kind of chemical reaction.

Things romantic and QP relationships have in common for me: I feel a profound sense of safety. I can relax around the person. I say "I love you" and it's never by rote. I want regular communication of some sort. I feel more myself in the person's company.

All of this is shaped by my tendency toward feeling very definitely like I "click" with certain people. Often upon meeting them. A little alert box pops up that says "You and this person could have something amazing together! Pursue it!". I can tell you the exact moment that happened with both X and J, and with all four of my QP people. So I don't know what "romantic" looks like for people who don't have that zing or sniff test or instalove or whatever you want to call it. I spent literal months knowing I was going to fall in love with J and waiting for it to happen. Had to WD40 the "in love" switch. But it finally flipped hard and has never flipped back. <3

This is also not what my romantic relationships looked like when I was in my teens or 20s. Much healthier now. :) Twenty years ago, desperate longing to be loved and valued was part and parcel of romance for me. Now I love myself.
Some of the useful links that came up in conversation (h/t [twitter.com profile] tgstonebutch and [twitter.com profile] numbathyal):

Sexuality and romance as pet elephants that are invisible to ace and aro people
Limerence and "platonic attraction"
How to write about queerplatonic relationships in fiction (lots and lots of useful links there)
Various concepts of greyromanticism

I was amused to choose "oblivious" as the userpic keyword and have this userpic come up, because at first it seemed totally inappropriate for a post discussing nonsexual relationships. In its original context (Sluggy Freelance, if anyone remembers it), it's being said by a guy who is very into topless women and sad that he missed a chance to ogle some. But I've always used it because I am genuinely the sort of person to not really notice that an attractive woman is topless, because we're too busy talking about other things and connecting on other levels. So maybe it's appropriate after all.

fiber monday

Feb. 19th, 2017 10:03 pm
thistleingrey: (Default)
[personal profile] thistleingrey
Status: Clock had its lower-torso front/back/front and then one front nearly completed up to the shoulder. You may note the past tense: undone because the armhole drop is significantly taller than the distance from lower armhole edge to bottom hem. Swatching beforehand means nothing when the pattern is that distorted, grr. Separately, I need to seam my mother's slippers' ...whatever one calls the segment from heel to low ankle/cuff. I've also begun Reason's requested legwarmers, then rebegun them twice to adjust the size. The pattern's for an adult leg, and it's great---easy to remember, even for me, who leans heavily upon a printout or a scratch sheet's tally marks most of the time.

Okay. tl;dr I hadn't considered necklines' interaction with armholes/armscyes till Ivar failed. Let's clear the decks of prior assumptions, now that 2.Naima has looked okay on me yet fit poorly (too tight two ways near armscye despite mods) and partial Ivar has fit me but looked terrible (v-neck too low and wider than intended by pattern, due to shoulder-induced splay, despite mods). In fact, let's think like a tester and isolate factors to rule some out. To keep the post from choking the internet, I've left example links out---feel free to request them for anything below.

Read more... )

tl;dr We're up to eight me-made tops I've been too big for, despite modifications and increasingly informed garment-size decisions. It is irritating and frankly ridiculous that people of many ethnicities and body shapes have told me all my life that I'm small. I'm bony, yeah, and I was a coltish adolescent (all bumps and angles), but were I small, THIS PROBLEM WOULD NOT EXIST. I would not have knit multiple cardigans two or three garment sizes "too large" and still be unable to get my bones into them.

sketch of the day

Feb. 19th, 2017 10:44 pm
yhlee: chessmaster (chess pieces) (chessmaster)
[personal profile] yhlee
Not really a sketch; it's a line rendition of this photo in an interview with actress Megan Boone; I'm not seeing a credit for the photographer.



The proportions are a bit off :/ which is why I will never be a portrait artist, but I was working fast and loose. Also, I cannot even with the FBI badge (or TV fake FBI badge, not like I'd know the difference). Sorry?

Ink: Robert Oster Astorquiza Rot
Pen: Aurora Optima 75th Anniversary

BTW, for the curious, both my Auroras have M nibs. I know a lot of people who prefer F or XF nibs for fountain pen drawing, but I'm finding that when I'm drawing with a firm nib, the bolder line of a European M is kind of nice.

I have now watched all of Blacklist S1 and am wondering whether to continue, because the unrepentant torture quota is...high. :( I get that bad guys will use torture in the course of narrative but when the "good guys" are doing it all over the place it's hard to care about anyone, especially in a modern-day setting.

three things make a post

Feb. 19th, 2017 08:25 pm
grrlpup: (rose)
[personal profile] grrlpup
  1. Primroses in pots are for sale at the grocery store, and skunk cabbage is up in the canyon. Daphne is on the verge of blooming.

skunk cabbage up and starting to bloom, streamside

2. I’m reading Esther Hautzig’s The Endless Steppe. I don’t think I read it as a child after all; it was one of those books that was always in the background, at the school library and classroom collections and garage sales. Strawberry Girl was another one, maybe I should try that next. Anyway, The Endless Steppe has the fascination of autobiography combined with the comfort of knowing it’s also a middle-grade book and there’s a limit to how terrible things will get in it. A limit lower than the one in Between Shades of Gray, which surprised me a couple of times with character deaths.

A browse at Wikipedia told me that Esther Hautzig’s daughter Deborah Hautzig wrote a novel I liked in junior high, Second Star to the Right— a fictionalized account of her anorexia. She’s written an afterword–1998 but new to me– that I’m going to read as soon as I post this. I do appreciate it when authors make new forewords and afterwords available online.

3. I was in a “must under no circumstances run out of tea” mood and placed an order at Stash, my hometown tea outfit. I tried Black Forest Black Tea and have come to the conclusion that cocoa shells do not provide what I consider to be a chocolatey flavor. It’s earthy and not terrible or anything, but not what I had in mind. I still have high hopes for Breakfast In Paris– black tea, lavender, bergamot, and vanilla.

This post also appears at read write run repeat. Comments read and welcomed in either place!

50 Books 2017-14: The Awesome

Feb. 19th, 2017 09:40 pm
batwrangler: Just for me. (Default)
[personal profile] batwrangler
 by Eva Darrow

Gilmore Girls meets BtVS (with crass language and mature content). 
yhlee: Amber Tarot Knight of Swords: Benedict (Tarot d'Ambre: Benedict)
[personal profile] yhlee
And more Amber Tarot!

The origin of playing cards
A strange burglary

[New icon! It's the Knight of Swords, or Benedict, from the Amber Tarot.]

Read more... )

(no subject)

Feb. 19th, 2017 06:03 pm
skygiants: the aunts from Pushing Daisies reading and sipping wine on a couch (wine and books)
[personal profile] skygiants
When I was young I was formatively influenced by a portal fantasy trilogy by Nick O'Donohoe in which vet students go patch up unicorns and griffins. However, my personal copies disappeared mysteriously sometime in the two thousands. For years I have been scouring libraries and used bookstores, but the only one I could find was the third book in the trilogy. This did me absolutely no good if I wanted to embark on a complete reread, which I absolutely wanted to do (especially after [personal profile] rachelmanija's recent reread.)

However! As of my recent trip to Powell's in Portland, I finally hit the jackpot! So I've just reread the first one, The Magic And the Healing, and will be progressing on accordingly.

The heroine of the The Magic and the Healing is West Virginia vet student BJ Vaughan, who is on the verge of failing out of med school because she's just learned that she has a strong genetic risk factor for Huntington's chorea and is, as a result, incredibly depressed.

Before she can drop out of school, however, she is invited on a mysterious special rotation with Cool Professor Sugar Dobbs, who dumps a unicorn horn and some mythological material in her lap and tells her to be ready to present next week. Shortly thereafter, BJ and her classmates are making regular trips back and forth to the land of Crossroads, where Magic Is Real but Centaurs Still Might Need Prenatal Care.

Other vet students include:

Lee Ann, the extremely Southern one
Annie, the extremely Christian one
Dave, the extremely bro-y one (I feel like there's maybe a rule that all portal fantasies featuring several university students need to include one bro-y guy named Dave)
Laurie, the cool cynical older one who is not actually in the rotation, appears for literally one scene early on in the book, and towards the end is suddenly revealed to spoiler? )
DeeDee, the sugary-sweet one who is also not actually in the rotation, appears for all of two scenes early on in the book, and towards the end is suddenly revealed to more spoiler! )

So, A-plot is BJ discovering magical wonders while also dealing with depression, suicidal ideation, and the possibility of having an incurable, eventually fatal genetic disease; and then the B-plot is a jaunty story about our ragtag band of vet students jaunting between Crossroads and West Virginia, bonding with the locals and each other, and flailing about how to apply their current real-world veterinary knowledge to mythological species.

And then there is a C-plot about an invading army that wants to come to Crossroads and murder everybody in its path, but it's almost hilariously irrelevant for most of the book until you get to the end and suddenly our ragtag band of vet students have to join in pitched! battle!! for the survival of Crossroads!!! right before they all graduate and go off to join local vet practices. Like honestly you could probably just skip the occasional chapters where the king of Crossroads goes undercover in the evil army and you would not be missing a thing, nobody cares about this, get us back to the logistical challenges of getting the appropriate blood type for griffin blood transfusions already!

Anyway, spoiler alert, Crossroads is saved and BJ doesn't die. My memory of the next two books in these series is that stuff keeps on happening A LOT; I don't remember just about anything that happens in the second one, but the third one is burned into my memory for what remains (to me) one of the most bizarre romantic plot twists of all time. I'm looking forward to the experience!
yhlee: Amber Tarot Knight of Swords: Benedict (Tarot d'Ambre: Benedict)
[personal profile] yhlee
More Tarot d'Ambre translation exercise.

Le Tarot (The Tarot)

Read more... )
yhlee: Amber Tarot Knight of Swords: Benedict (Tarot d'Ambre: Benedict)
[personal profile] yhlee
More Tarot d'Ambre translation exercise.

Read more... )

Comments/corrections welcome.
yhlee: a sewer cover in Kyoto (I am not making this up) (Kyoto)
[personal profile] yhlee
Continuing with this list.

Read more... )

Okay, that's it for the moment.

#WE AREALLBOWLINGGREEN

Feb. 19th, 2017 05:34 pm
rydra_wong: The display board of a train reads "this train is fucked". (this train is fucked)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
The Guardian: 'Sweden, who would believe this?': Trump cites non-existent terror attack

Sub-sub-header: At Florida rally president refers to attack in Sweden that did not happen, possibly confusing it with Sehwan in Pakistan.

(I would be interested to know if that's going to be the official White House explanation, particularly because Buttercup's speech makes it clear that he's referring to a European country which "took in large numbers" -- presumably of Muslim immigrants, because obviously, who else would be responsible for such an unspeakable imaginary attack? "Slip of the tongue, he meant Pakistan" won't cover it.)

Attempting to cover what actually happened in Sweden, a Swedish news agency reported a story about a bull moose that took a fancy to a wooden moose, but admitted that this story took place in the autumn and they just thought we would like it.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Swedes and their moose in this tragic time.

I laugh because it's an alternative to screaming. For a grimly-credible analysis of what's going on with this sort of shit, see this piece from a few days ago: Europe's biggest paper ran a bogus refugee 'sex mob' story. What now?

Terrifyingly, the comments (never read the comments) feature multiple occurrences of exactly the line of thought the article analyses: okay, maybe this didn't actually happen, but other things like it probably did, and it would totally have been Muslim immigrants who did them.

From the article:

If the lie sticks, that’s great. If it does not stick, that’s no loss. The point was always to add another rhetorical layer of doubt and suspicion to the sediment of our national bigotry. There was no Bowling Green massacre? Well, OK, but there could have been one, and it would have been a Muslim who did it. In the flexible world of bigotry, we can even condemn people for crimes committed in our minds.

sketch of the day

Feb. 18th, 2017 11:54 pm
yhlee: chessmaster (chess pieces) (chessmaster)
[personal profile] yhlee


Blue ink: Robert Oster School Blue
Pen: Aurora Optima blue chrome.

Red ink: Robert Oster Astorquiza Rot.
Pen: Aurora Optima 75th Anniversary.

Because Blacklist doesn't just jump the shark, it has FLYING SHARKS.

Uh, excuse my sad excuses for chess pieces. I didn't think to reference a chess set and I don't remember what the pieces look like except that knights are horses and rooks are castles. I should have done a rook instead of the bishop-thing.
sovay: (Psholtii: in a bad mood)
[personal profile] sovay
This afternoon my knee was in good enough shape that I actually got out of the house and walked up to the library and back, taking the cane for the ice and general late-winter street sludge. As of tonight, I am not using the cane around the house, which the cats seem to feel is an improvement on the past four days of weird noises and tail endangerment. My father talked to me about Mary Seacole and I have decided that this tweet may be our generation's "I am a lighthouse; your call." I ate some coconut-milk ice cream. Otherwise, today has been terrible. Tomorrow, being full of science fiction film, had better be more fun.

*squints*

Feb. 18th, 2017 07:15 pm
rydra_wong: The display board of a train reads "this train is fucked". (this train is fucked)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
The Guardian: McCain attacks Trump administration and inability to 'separate truth from lies'

“The president, I think, makes statements [and] on other occasions contradicts himself. So we’ve learned to watch what the president does as opposed to what he says,” he said.

Without mentioning the president’s name, McCain lamented a shift in the US and Europe away from the “universal values” that forged the Nato alliance seven decades ago. McCain also said the alliance’s founders would be “alarmed by the growing inability, and even unwillingness, to separate truth from lies.”


He's not, is he?

ABC News: McCain slams Trump in Munich speech without using his name

... is he?

Is this just an odd coincidence, or is McCain joining in with the un-naming? It seems exceptionally unlikely, but ...

Also, while I am quite taken with "Buttercup", I also like this thought from [tumblr.com profile] doitninetimes:

Look, I am about as petty as it gets and The Current State Of Affairs have only been pushing me toward my Worst Self. I love! a petty asshole nickname, especially for one so worthy of mockery and distain. But let’s pin this one where it belongs. He is our current Republican President, and you fucking bet I’m going to take every opportunity to bring up that little fact.

"The Current Republican President" (I've also heard suggestions of "the Republican administration"). Because until/unless they impeach him, they fucking own him.

And of course one could always split the difference and go for "Buttercup [or appellation of one's choosing, whether his legal name or not], the current Republican president". So many fun options!
rydra_wong: Doonesbury: Mark announcing into a microphone, "That's guilty! Guilty, guilty, guilty!!" (during the Watergate scandal) (guilty)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
And can highly recommend this to anyone as a fun and interesting way to kill some time (assuming it was sufficently Before Your Time that you didn't watch it all go down live). Even if you know the rough outline of what happened, it's still fascinating getting into the details (Chapstick microphones!).

Also, of course, it's important that we all learn how to impeach a President.

And I was reminded that if a President can be proved to have colluded in a break-in at the DNC headquarters, there is extremely specific form for impeaching them (I'd somehow not consciously made this connection before, and I don't feel it makes a terrific difference if the break-in is cyber rather than "tape over the latches" ...).

Educational and uplifting!

I'm still down the hole (and plotting a viewing of All The President's Men and re-read of contemporaneous Doonesbury, because hey, might as well go for the full mini-fest here), but here are some links for anyone who wishes to join me in partying like it's 1974:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watergate_scandal ("The Administration and its supporters accused the media of making "wild accusations," putting too much emphasis on the story, and of having a liberal bias against the Administration.")
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watergate_timeline
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impeachment_process_against_Richard_Nixon
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Senate_Watergate_Committee
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Committee_for_the_Re-Election_of_the_President (Note: Buttercup has already announced his candidacy for 2020, which means he is now open for donations to fund his re-election campaign -- given his track record with charity donations, anyone want to bet on how much of that money will be used for other purposes?)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturday_Night_Massacre
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nixon_White_House_tapes
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nixon%27s_Enemies_List
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_the_President%27s_Men
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Mitchell_effect

Because I am apparently not the only one feeling retro: The NYT: What Did Trump Know, and When Did He Know It? and Tom Brokaw: The Offer From Nixon I Refused

Also, can we offer a prize to the first journalist/interviewer/Twitterer who can get Buttercup to say (or Tweet) "I'm not a crook"? It's got to be possible to goad him into it. Got to.

(Or amusingly impossible: "Mr. President, are you a crook?" would probably get a ten-minute ramble about the electoral college and "fake news", interspersed with shouted orders to sit down.)

For my hypermobile peeps

Feb. 17th, 2017 08:33 pm
rydra_wong: Text: "Your body is a battleground" over photo of 19th-C strongwoman. (body -- battleground)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
Because although I am not one of you, I seem to know a lot of you. I mentioned the following currently-useless bit of psychiatric trivia in comments, then thought it might be worth sharing more widely.

Because sometimes it's nice to know this shit, even if it doesn't (yet) have any practical implications for how to deal with stuff.

DID YOU KNOW that there's a very well-documented correlation between joint hypermobility and anxiety (and also autonomic and "somatic" problems -- stuff like fibromyalgia, IBS, migraines, etc.)? As in, if you are hypermobile you are way more likely to have the others? Trufax:

http://www.bmj.com/rapid-response/2011/11/03/relationship-between-anxiety-disorders-and-joint-hypermobility-syndrome-al
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-who-are-double-jointed-are-more-likely-to-be-anxious/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3365276/
http://web.mit.edu/y_lin/Public/fulltext.pdf

It's to the point where one group of researchers have even proposed giving it a name, the "neuroconnective phenotype":

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25832520

Researchers don't have a clue why there's this connection; it's just one of those weird but strong correlations where they know that if they figured it out, they might know a lot more about what's going on in both conditions. But (at present) they don't. Also, collagen is weird.

So if you're dealing with this cluster of stuff, it's probably not just random coincidence: there is a reason. We just have no idea what the reason is yet.

At any rate, it's yet another reminder that the brain is part of the body, and that even the stuff that's in your head isn't "all in your head".

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